But the truth is, its extremely exhausting. The truth is, I’d rather be talking to my friend on the phone, than going out with most of these people, or spending time trying to navigate all of this. I’m not sure how much more energy or time I really want to devote to this little project. It was supposed to be fun – a way to just be part of the social dating world again for awhile and feel human again and loved again, because I’m finally ready for that and longing for that. And because the person that I want those things WITH isn’t in a place to be able to do that with me, so I’ve been trying to find pieces of that magic in other places. But the truth is, you can’t re-create magic. What I have with this person, is special between US, and will remain between us. I won’t find pieces of that by looking for it somewhere else. So I’ll just have to hold onto it and keep on keeping the faith that one day this person, who is most likely reading this right now, will realize that I AM FUCKING AWESOME, and he should just be with me already because life is really fucking short and why not help each other through it and have some joy within our pain. In the meantime, this dating stuff is starting to feel like work, and I’m not even getting paid for it. It really is like shopping at a flea market or yard sale, and I always hated yard sales. Too much junk.
No Comments Posted: Please note that due to abuse and spam in my comments, I have now required that they be approved before consideration for publication. I do read the comments posted in the “about” section, but to ensure everyone’s privacy, I do not intend to post them without explicit permission beforehand. And, although I do read the comments, because of the volume, I can’t personally answer every one. I do try to address common topics in future articles though. I do my best to address reoccurring relationship topics and questions as best as I can.
I regretfully, cheated on my husband and I feel so incredibly bad about it. I want to put our family (we have two little ones) back together. I have written this letter to him. Please let me know what you all think. Do you think it will work?
Here it is:
Both of us know what I did, so I would rather not have to say what I am apologizing for. I am embarrassed and ashamed to say it, however if it helps you heal for me to actually say the words of what I did and then apologize I will do it for you.
What I did to you and our family was beyond heartbreaking. I have hurt all of us. I take full responsibility for hurting our family and breaking us up.
I was feeling hurt in our marriage and I was stupid and weak. I never thought that me of all people could do what I did.
Remember the night when you and I laid in bed talking about people in our life, and you asked me "out of such and such couple which one do you think would be capable of cheating on there spouse."
Well if you had asked me about between you and I, I would have said "neither one of us would ever do such a thing." Yeah I felt jealous of you talking to girls sometimes but I would never think you would ever cheat one me, and I am sure you thought the same about me.
I am so regretful of so many things that I did wrong. I am so sorry. Can I please have your forgiveness?
In the beginning when all this started you were close to forgiving me, please find it in your heart to show me mercy and forgive me. I have changed so much in the last 9 months.
Remember when I use to say "I can't wait to turn 30 because then maybe I will feel grown up." Well I still like the thought of 30 for some reason, but not because I want to feel grown up, because my thinking has grown so much. Obviously I will continue learning and growing as I get older, but this has sent me into a major reality check.
I can tell you for a fact that this would never happen in my life ever again. It's the dumbest thing anyone could ever do, when they think they are not happy. Because the hurt of breaking your spouses heart and your own is so much more unhappy.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you a hundred times a day. My love for you has just gotten unbelievably stronger. I love you Oscar. And I am so sorry for hurting you. If I could write a poem like you did for me when I had Isabella then I would but I am not talented like you in that department, so all I can do is pour my heart out to you with apologies.
In my heart I will be your wife forever,